Choices...

We are humans... Weak and in constant pursuit of eternal glory and hearts contentment... To reach that somehow impossible destination in life, we tend or should i say will sooner or later stumble upon a road block that will halt and restrict any further progress in the journey to cloud nine... A road block so terrifying, frustrating and unpleasing in any way possible... And then there is God and faith... The very thing that is very close to ourselves... if a comparison is to be made, God is so close to us that even if we see straight we couldn't see Him... That's what my dad used to say to me... And still, we constantly feels all alone... With no one to have their eyes on us... Supervising our every move... And so, faith kicks in... We become more brave and bold in our doings knowing that there is the ultimate guardian next to us, the ever Almighty God to protect us from harm might it be visible to everyone or exclusively to those special few... Danger is all around us and yet we become so brave... Faith makes us believe that everything will be alright when all the odds are against us... It has all been set since the very beginning of time... And yet there are still things that can be altered to personal liking, with a little bit of hard work and some elbow grease... The sweetness of faith is nothing like anything in this world... It's over worldly...

Choices are everywhere... Some available to everyone and some are an exclusive to certain people... It's a matter of searching for it... Some are discovered and some are destined to be found in the '4th World'... It's all about how determined we are and how strong our faith is... Have all these traits and we will be finding our destiny soon enough... Sometimes we desperately seek for more choices... Most of the times are as escape routes from daily issues... Things like family affairs, politics, academics and etc... Happiness or Loneliness?? Awkward silence or Deafening cheers?? Nostalgic and Soothing melodies or Dark and Low-keyed arrangement?? Seems like an obvious choice for a person with a hectic lifestyle... But lets sit back and rethink... Try to differentiate between the things that we NEED and we Want... Once we made the right choice we often come to surprise and astound by the choice we make and even more shocked by the aftermath of that very understanding...

We are humans and I am just a young youth looking to fill his cup... Constantly in pursuit total happiness and contentment... My ideology sells cheap to the world... And yet I can't fathom why I always end up sitting in front of the computer screen and start typing what i feels currently... Peer pressure?? Oppression of lifestyle??? I'm not sure myself but again, I'm seeking that glimmer of stars... I might find it... I might not... Either way, its a struggle... Constant striving and yielding-never-motto will carry me on...

~God Foresees All~

sigh...

sigh.... what's going to happen next i wonder... first, a misunderstanding between best of friends occur... without knowing what really happen 'A' just jump on conclusion... was really shocked because it was not her nature to do so.... kinda sad and really hoping this issue will be taken care off soon...
next, 'B' misinterpret the message... sigh... hope the newly blossomed friendship can endure this hardship and unforgiving situation that seems to tear apart the very fabric of bond between us.... sigh...
how can these things happen??? at the same??? sigh... what's going to happen soon??? i seriously don't know...
lastly, dearest teacher got transferred to the bitter rival school... what's up with that??!!! i mean, seriously....
never felt this trapped, depressed, useless and frustrated... :(

03/01/10

sigh... been months since i last updated this page... anyway, onto the topic...
its been a month since the SPM ended and i just came back from a 9 days trip around the east coast of mas... currently i'm not doing anything even though i really want to work... nevertheless, luck is not on my side and my parents object that desire and cut it out... oh well... haha...
went to Bukit Tinggi... damn cun... really worth the time and energy i've spent... wish i could go there again... haha...
other than that, i also went to Terengganu and manage to had one night in Seri Malaysia hotel... although the room is small considering there was 6 of us, it was an enjoyable experience... haha...
after spending 3 days at Pahang and Terengganu i head back to Kelantan; my kampong... it was boring coz most of my couz were not there but somehow it was very peaceful with no babies and small kids crying and thumping on the wooden floor of the house... haha... very nice...
and so that concludes my elusive experience of travelling... sigh... currently back in Ipoh... school is starting tomorrow and i'm not going... lol... its been a weird experience after the SPM exam... the day after SPM i sat on my bed and took out a book... then i stop and think... i just realised that SPM is over and there is no need to study anymore... laughed at myself... haha... really weird... same thing happened to my frens... looks like studyin have been our way of life during the exam period and prior to that...
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NS has started... lots of my frens went and more will follow them tmrw... i still remebered how thrilled i was when i discovered i was not one of the 'lucky' ones to get sellected... haha... evenso, i'm bored now and i'm thinking that it might not be a bad idea after all to be sellected... i'm actually wanting to go for PLKN... ugh... this sucks...
but for the next 3 months i'll be missing my frens... no hanging out in this 3 months... ugh... could this be any worse??? anyway, good luck for Andrew Tan, Diana Jefri, Ian Chow, Lai Wai Seng, Desmond Choo, Marcus Ng, Rachel Tan and so on... lol... hope u guys actually enjoy it and able to tell the experience to those 'unlucky' enough to not get sellected... haha... persevere... it might not be as bad as it rumoured to be... haha...
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Plans after SPM??? a lot... but. . . . haha... me and my frens planned to go on a trip to Genting Highlands once the exam was over and after they get their driving liscence... guys??? izit still on?? i dun think so... most of my frens are either off to NS or too busy working that they would be so tired afterwards that they would actually ignore the msg they recieve... well, can't blame them... haha.... i'm sure its really tiring working 10 hours a day 6 days a week... at least one of their plan came about... pity me... none of my plan seems to work... working?? tried... Hols wif frens?? dun even think bout it... hanging out wif frens??? seems to fade away... sigh... is this the kind of life high school graduates face??? i dunno and i really dun care... all i care about is to find something interesting and within my limited range to really occupy my free time... hopefully a new, interesting game will come out... RPG.. or adventure perhaps... anything as long as it has a good, long gaming hours... haha... oh ya... talking bout games, this evening i went to my neighbour's hse and get a hand on the ever so popular 'PS3'... haha... turned out to be its just like any other game console... ntg much... in fact just like a PS2 with some added features that really doesn't lift thhe console to greater heights... and the worst thing is they are not selling the 'fat' version anymore... so that means anyone buying a new PS3 will not be able to play it throughout the night... too bad... oh well, it seems that i wont be spending my money on this contraption anymore... haha...
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my life after SPM is... well lets put it this way... Unexpected and expected at the same time, dull, idle, boring, frustrating and heart crushing... juz look at this post... its turning more and more like a novel... with sections and all... ugh... this is the worse... its currently 5 mins due 12... i've been writing and thinking about this blog for half an hour already... gosh... din notice... haha... see, unexpected... lol... alas, i should really stop here... leave things on the next post... lastly, good luck to all my dear frens... enjoy yourselves on this once in a lifetime experience... embrace it always, escape it never...

-chow-

A Diary...

A story, a journey
A graduate of life
A master of achievements and failure,
A recap of his brilliant life.

Palm trees wave on, ever so welcomly,
The fields open wide, the winds blow ever so gently,
Monumental buildings, nostalgic classrooms,
Source of brilliant ideas.

All is but too well,
Time passes by,
leaving behind a trail to follow,
remember, consider,
Proven the unexpected, did the unexpected,
Pioneer of a revolutionary move
of neo perspective, attitude, feelings,

Past, remember,
Present, appreciate,
Future, grasp,
The life principle of a graduate of life.

A story, a journey,
Of a graduate of life.

I Tried, But Useless...

TOMA...

Have u ever THINK that what you do is useless?? a waste of time??? MEANINGLESS??!
Well, i dun think so... A lot have happened in these past few days and really took a toll on myself... This is one way for me to free myself from this torture... Announcing sensitive matter that happened to me indirectly through blogging... haha...

OK... One OF it is related to feelings... it have been a roller coaster ride of feelings and emotions... Continuesly... Definitely... It was brief but it was never short of events and moments that moved my heart... I've felt love, happiness when i'm with you... Never a moment of it was dull...
Again, thx for everything...

Next, EXAMS!!! I hate exams... It makes you stay up late, studying... Well at least i did... The outcome is the next morning you'll wake up having panda eyes instead your everyday pair of eyes... haha... Funny, yes... But its not really good staying up late... Other than having panda eyes the next morning, it can also affect your complexion... Constantly sleeping late, having insufficent sleep hours can make your skin frickle... You look older too... Is that wat you want?? I highly doubt that... ME and my friends however have been forced to sleep late due to some irresponsible group of ppl who CHEATED and because of that we all have to resit chem and phy paper... So unfair... Nevertheless, sleeping late actually helps to burn your callories as you burn more fat just by staying up late... Sounds good but personally i think there are better ways of burning down those flabs... haha... EXERCISE!!!

School... Nothing much happen nowadays... In fact there's nothing happening... Urgh... This sucks... ALWAYS coming to school, wasting time... I never felt of school this way before.... Juz after the trials exam where less teacher are coming to the class... It makes you feel that staying at home is better but you can't because your attendace is still taken and it can affect your testimonies... So frustrating... Oh well, better bring my add math book everyday starting wednesday... Haha...

Sigh... What a ride... So unpredictable... A lot is happening and more will come... That's for sure... Juz hope that me and my company can survive the trials and tribulations that may come before us... Look infront all the way and never look back... Pursue the future, embrace the past...

THE BIG ONE IS COMING... THIS IS THE REAL DEAL... FACE IT... DEAL WITH IT...
THIS IS LIFE...

thx...

well, it didn't last long... nevertheless, it was nothing like i experienced before... thx for the memories.. thx for the experience and thx for the time... i felt things that i dun think i will feel anymore... thats how meaningful it is to me... the first and the last phone call... i hope you can keep the promise... i know i will...

p.s.
it will never fade, regardless of time and any challenges... its already locked and kept deep inside...

first for a very long time...

Wow... really has been a LONG time since i last updated my blog... this is due to the SPM trials examination, the raya week and plain laziness... haha... anyway, this blog will be a summary if not the whole month of previous month, part of it... ok... the trials took place during the fasting month... it was really rough having insufficient energy to study... always feeling tired and sleepy... the heat surely din help easing my fatigue... perseverance... i persevered for the whole month... forcing myself to study long hours despite my body condition... the earliest i slept was 2 o'clock in the morning... having to wake up at 4.30 in the morning to eat sahur, my eating habit was dragging me towards oblivion... really can't tahan but there's ntg i can do... i HAVE to study... first few days of puasa was tough but it gradually gets easier, easier and easier till the point where it became my lifestyle... then it was time to sit for the exams... 3 long, grueling weeks... my results is not something that you could say good but it was expected... i nvr put up to much hope on my trials exams... i know its impossible for me to score well... juz hoping can do better in the real WAR... the results which i really take pride in is my add math... seriously, i worked my ass out studying purely add math for 3 days, throw myself to literally a bed of question papers... haha... i improved and free myself from the accursed :) group... FAIL to a C... really satisfied wif that for now... haha.... but all is too well... coz some SMART students the whole form have to resit for phy and chem paper next week... really ma fan... wanna cheat oso dun make it so obvious la dummy!!! no need to point la... u know yourself... really unfair... sigh... with that my trials exam finish...
RAYA!!! haha... been waiting for this time for a very long time... 1 year... haha... but turn out to be it was not as fun as i want it to be... but luckily i get my PSP back for the whole week... WOOT... haha...stuck to my PSP for hours... haha... but one new thing that i experienced was a new way of giving kids duit raya... haha... my gradfather actually hid the money all around the family hall and asked all my kid cousins to go and searched for the money... some sort like a treasure hunt la... haha... really fun.. wished i could join but i'm a bit too old... haha... anyway, when someone get a money the house will burst in laughter... really a good memory... something to remember for the rest of my life... haha... but thats not the only thing that happened... someday during the week my last great-grand mother fell ill... it was really sudden and shocking... it was really like she was going to leave us edi as one time she really struggled in pain... i can't help it and when i know it, my cheek was wet... i cried... i'm not really the type who cries but i can't help it... i nvr had any memories wif my her husband when he was still alive... only her that i have good memories to remember... and frankly i'm not sure i'm ready to REMEMBER yet... i wanna live the time wif her... luckily she's not leaving yet... thank GOD!!!sobxx... so thats the summary of my raya... not really something i would call expected... haha... ok... then after raya... went to school... go for tui class... study at home... all my normal everyday life... as expected, after exams and hols my study mood is currently on a leave so i dun feel like studying... hopefully it come back soon... haha... crapping... lol.... so thats all... first for a very long time... haha... sorry but i'm not posting any photo even though i have tonnes of them... juz dun feel like posting...
:P